Focusing Forward: Thursday, December 10, 2009
Here in southern Vermont we got about a foot of wet snow Tuesday. I was able to work from home on a few things that I’ve neglected for weeks if not months, and it was comfortable and wonderful to work from my own environment. I know some folks have a hard time working from home, but I seem to thrive on it. My office here has been set up for years and everything just seems to flow in a way that makes accomplishing tasks fast and easy. I have excellent work ethics and prefer working in a place where everything is within short reach. Especially now-a-days J
Today was actually a pretty good day all ‘round. I worked when I wanted, slept when I wanted, and ate when I wanted … what the heck else could a person ask for ? J
As soon as the burns on my back begin to heal, I plan on heading into the office for a few trial days and see how it goes. The only real possible problem I can see at this point is being able to hack through 8-9 hours straight, without resting. I’m still experiencing tiredness from the radiation, but I assume that will further dissipate rather quickly. Besides that, I have been working really odd hours, sometimes early in the morning, sometimes late at night … whenever the urge hits me … I do it. I need to try and get myself back on a reasonable schedule again.
One of the things I’ve been thinking about lately is, now that the treatments are over, and most of the hassles are calmed down, what things in life have changed significantly enough, that I need to be concerned about, and how do I deal with each of those problems.
Rose, a dear friend from Sweden, emailed me the other day and (amoungst other things), quoted this old saying, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the PRESENT.” … Get it? Gift, Present … she’s right, that’s exactly the way I’ll be looking most things.
You see, I haven’t really given much thought to the idea of living with cancer beyond the point that it’s been diagnosed, treated, and now it’s about to be watched. Just the idea that “it’s being watched” tells us something, and tells us something important to be understood about these cancers, the treatments, and moving forward with life. What it basically tells me is that, … dealing with cancer is not over yet, and neither is life. They may have changed, but they’re not over.
That being said, it’s now time to start calculating the actual damage done and consider what options I have for each problem that remains. It makes sense to me that this be done in an organized fashion or at least as organized as I can make it considering I have no experience in the field of living with cancer. No one does, I really don’t know what problems lay ahead of me. But everyday I, and Sher for that matter, continue to learn and understand what it means to “live” with cancer.
For example, yesterday we figured out that removing the snow from our doorways and paths wasn’t going to be as simple as it used to be. Before, I used to go out and hand shovel the entrances and doors after the snow plow dude came and did his thing. Well, yesterday we had to do it in little bits at a time. Sher did a bunch because I’m still not supposed to do any heavy lifting or moving. Well, this presents a problem in life too because about every twenty minute there’s stuff to move around, especially this time of year. Just the act of getting all the holiday decorations down from the high shelves in the barn was an event.
Obviously, I’m going to have to change around the way that things have been done in the past and find new, simpler ways to do them.
“Yesterday is history” … well that’s true. What good does dwelling upon yesterday do for you? Nothing. … I got this cancer, made my decision to go with proton therapy, went through the therapy, and here we are. I’ve got no problem with that. Yesterday is as clear as a bell to me and I wouldn’t change one moment of it.
“Tomorrow is mystery” … true again! Who knows what’ll happen? None of us know, and maybe we’re better off not knowing. In my case, the cancer could be back in force in a matter of weeks, or it could take years for it to return. It could also be that I live to be an old man while the cancer takes its time to rebuild, and attacks me again when I’m eighty. That’s the mystery for me … what’s yours?
“But today is a gift” … now who can argue with that? Today “is” a gift, at least for me it is, it should be for you too. If it isn’t then I suggest you start looking at “today” as a gift, instead of “just another”. They are gifts, we just don’t realize it until some are taken away. In some sense, that’s exactly what happened to me. Some of my “todays” have been taken away, we just don’t know how many. Maybe. Maybe that’s mainly if we don’t believe in destiny.
Maybe this was all meant to be, and it is my destiny and therefore, these “are” my days, and none have been taken away! Only given (tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock).
Well, however it is, and whichever way you choose to look at it, it is at this present time, that I choose to start thinking about basic survival tactics for not only myself, but for my family too.
So from this point forward, we have a different challenge in front of us.
