Chondrosarcoma – ah shit, bob's sick

So last night, my friend Jon emailed me his answer to the equation …
“this works…(10-7) x6 – (9-8) = 17″. Leave it to Jon … I know he worked relentlessly on this to come up with an answer … and he did! Well done …. I mean it Jon M, you’re the only 50+ year old I know that can do still sixth grade math! Thank you.

I also got another reply this evening from another one of Al’s teachers:
“(10×7)-6 divided by 8, plus 9”.

So it can be done! … and now that I look at it … how freakin’ simple!

I got a chance to cook on the new stove today! Sher roasted a small turkey breast and when I got home I made the gravy …. Yummy, tasty Turkey gravy! I spent most of the rest of the evening with corresponding emails and cleaning up some loose little ends of work here and there. Kind of relaxing.

Sher and I have been talking about slowly shutting down some of the projects we have going. One of those things may end up being our radio show and the website that goes along with it. We’re not in hurry to do it … but I think it’s time to start “lightening the load” a bit.

It’s a shame, because it’s one of the things I really enjoy doing. I’ve worked with radio for a lot of years (most of it volunteer) and love it … but it is sooooo time consuming. We haven’t really come to a conclusion as exactly what we’re going to do … but somethings going to happen . We’ll see what happens … maybe some one else will want to run.

So many things to do … so little time to do them. Boy, has that taken on new meaning these days … no really, I mean that. It seems that there are more and more causes I want to get involved with, and less and less time to be involved. Funny how that happens.

I have been doing little bits here and there on my database project …. But over the last two or three weeks, I just haven’t had a chance to set aside a chuck of time, to make some of the larger changes or additions … actually, part of it messed up right now and in need of being re-worked but it’ll have to wait for the weekend.

Hmmm … feels good to say that!

Well, that’s it for this evening …

Alberic came home from school (6th grade) with a math problem this evening. We need help figuring it out.

Using only the numbers 6,7,8,9,10 (only once each), you can add,multiply,subtract and divide … what is the equation to reach 17 (the answer must be 17). Come on all my smart friends … lend a hand!

I felt pretty crappy most of this past week. Monday and Tuesday were OK … which was good because at work I had a few meetings to attend and partake in, but the rest of the week was down-right awful. By the time Friday came around I simply had to take a half-day off, and left early, just before lunch.

It’s hard to pick out any one thing that was wrong … and in reality, nothing was wrong with anything at work … it was me. I couldn’t get comfortable, couldn’t get enough sleep no matter how much I slept, and every time I ate something I felt sicker then ever. I guess that’s the way it goes sometimes … it’s certainly not always like that, but it seems to come and go in waves.

The weekend wasn’t much better, although for the first time in more then six months we went out together (Alberic, Sher and I) to the stores. Not that we haven’t been out, but I haven’t been to a department store in at least six months. It’s a real challenge going to these places … you know like Walmart, Sears … that type of place. It was busy and crowded and I felt like I was moving too slow … but I did manage to make my way through the store with Al leading the way to the toy department! … or I should say the “electronics department”.

We picked up another Wii remote and a memory card so that I could copy all the family photos onto one card (makes viewing easier). Two weeks ago I had picked up a game called Guitar Hero that we’ve been having a lot of fun with. That’s one thing I can do without burning up lot’s of energy! Guitar Hero is so much fun to play … someday I’ll write a real review of it. I also bought the Beatles game because it used the same instrument controllers. Basically, it’s like a karaoke machine on steroids, way too much fun.

The last few nights I have slept long and hard, but still don’t seem to have any more energy then I had before.

Basically, I let this entire weekend go by without doing a damn thing except play a few games in hopes of building up enough for this coming week. No business, no programming, no AhShitBobsSick … no nothing. The only thing I really did was to catch up on a few emails to friends. Damn! Where has my energy and drive gone?

This week I have an appointment with Dr. G. Clay (my primary care) and hopefully we’re going to begin looking into this energy problem. It’s not like me to be brought down by stuff like this, but I just can’t seem to over-come it either … not a good thing honestly.

This weekend was Alberic’s Readathon at his school. It’s a weekend that all the kids go and read all night long (or as long as they can), to raise money for book purchases. Some of them even sleep at the school … it’s a lot of fun and Al and I have gone every year since he’s been at that school … but this year, when I got home Friday afternoon he said he didn’t want to go! I was surprised, but relieved too, I’m not sure I could’ve handled it.

That’s it for this week … hopefully next week will be a better, more energy driven week.

Today was a beautiful day here in Vermont, almost seventy degrees and sunny. That’s unusual this time of year, when the norm would be thirty-five to forty, cloudy and grey, and often stormy. The old “March comes in like a lion and out like a lamb is really true here. As a matter of fact it’s usually April by the time the lamb comes around.

I slept really late today, till ten in the morning and woke up feeling pretty good. So good that I decided I’d try and get some of the electronics and burnt out stuff (from the last big snow storm), out of the house and into one of the garages. My plan was to make a big pile of all the burnt out stuff and then dispose of it another day.

Taking my time, I moved three computers, two monitors, keyboards, modems, routers, two televisions, and a bunch of other small stuff, out to the barn in preparation for a trip to the dumps. Now I’m not supposed to be lifting heavy stuff, but I found by taking my time and some help from Sher, we managed to get it all out. Before I even started though, I took a few pain-killers which seemed to help a lot … it actually made all the difference in the world.

My back started to “act up” a bit around one in the afternoon, so I took a break, and a nap. Perfect!, that combination seemed to work just fine. By the time, it was time to cook dinner, I was feeling pretty good instead of the usual painfulness I’ve been experiencing every time I try to do anything. I’ve been waiting for some decent weather to see just what, and what not, I can do outside, and today was just perfect for that.

It was a great to have such a “test day”. This evening, I also made dinner. I haven’t been cooking nearly as much as I used to, part of that is that I haven’t had the spirit to cook much, and part was that I can’t stand in the kitchen long enough to complete a dinner. But again, I took my time and managed to make a shrimp and rice dinner that was awesome (if I may say so myself!).

The shrimp were smothered in lot’s of garlic, butter, capers, parsley, tarragon, a little crushed red pepper, white wine, and a dash of worchestershire. Basically, shrimp scampi … then, broiled. I prepared basmati rice with lot’s of celery and onions and seasoning. What a great combination . just scrumptious.

After dinner we tried to go for a walk, down the road (with the dog) that we used to walk every evening after dinner. But, my legs were pretty wasted from all the moving around during the day, so I decided I’d try out the wheelchair.

Well, that was an experience to say the least, not very successful, but a good learning experience non the less. What I learned was, how weak my arm muscles are … and I mean weak. Which, to be honest, kind of surprised me. I thought I’d be able to wheel around like it was nothing … but not so, not at all in fact.

Granted I was starting out already tired and at the end of the day … but I also found out just how hard it is to get around in a chair, let alone go any distance along the side of a Vermont road. Yikes! I need to buy a pair of dumbells and develop my arm muscles a lot more then they are. I also learned to appreciate level surfaces without pieces of small gravel and pebbles.

We went about a tenth of our normal walking distance when I decided I had to trun around if I was going to make it back to the house. Sher pushed me most of the way back and I held the dog on it’s leash as we returned.

It’s been another busy few weeks between dealing with the insurance companies, trying to get the house ready for spring time and keep up with work and all the other things life throws at you … but so far, we’re still managing pretty well, and learning more every day.

I haven’t had much time to work on my Cancer database program, but I did manage to add some new features and developed lot’s of ideas for more as time allows. I added a “my doctors” section and along with that, it keeps track of my appointments and such. Also added a simple but useful “links” module that I can add all the useful links about cancer, and any other category I may want.

Well, that’s it for tonight … that was my basic day and hopefully, tomorrow will be just as energetic and fulfilling as today was.

Time to catch up on some email and web-work too!

Recently, I’ve been beginning to notice what I believe to be, little permanent changes that have been taking place in my system, since treatments ended in mid-December 2009. Believe it or not, I think it’s taken this long for some these things to begin to appear, or come out.

If you remember, a ways back I was told that the proton treatments could, and probably would continue to work on the tumor for as much as nine months after treatment stopped. I am now beginning to understand what they meant by this.

The claim was that the treatment wouldn’t instantly kill the tumor, but that it would alter the tumor’s DNA sequence so that it could not continue to replicate and there-fore, not continue to grow either. Which basically means that the tumor is alive and well for a period of time (hence the nine month span) after treatment.

I think this is true, because I can feel it changing over the last eight weeks.

I find it hard to believe that it was only been eight weeks ago, that I was still undergoing intense treatment at the proton center. Driving back and forth to Boston, and feeling continuously ill for months. It seems like it took place in another life-time even though I remember it (almost word for word or action for action) like it were yesterday.

But here I am, just beginning to understand and feel the effects of what was done during that three month period I spent in treatment. I might even venture to say that “the effects of the consequences, of the decision to go with Proton therapy instead of conventional surgery, are just beginning to show”.

Clearly I’m not saying that I’m sorry for my decision in anyway, I feel that, even the time that I’ve already had, is a huge bonus in comparison to the alternative … but you’d be a fool to think that I walked away from treatment without having some effects that were permanent.

Since treatment ended, I’ve continued to lose weight slowly. Very slowly I might add, but a continuous loss non-the-less. As a matter of fact, I can actually feel the tumor itself, more now, then I could a few months ago. I have to assume because of the weight loss, there is less ‘padding’ around it, and there-fore it’s less protected then it used to be.

That’s right, I can actually feel the lump under my skin more now then before. It’s lightly sensitive too. If I poke it or bump into something … it’s an ouch! … to say the least.

My ability to walk has been changing too. One general statement I could say is that at most times it is now less painful to walk. However, the duration of time that that statement is true, seems to be changing and not for the better.
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