Il mio futuro: Sunday, March 14, 2010
Recently, I’ve been beginning to notice what I believe to be, little permanent changes that have been taking place in my system, since treatments ended in mid-December 2009. Believe it or not, I think it’s taken this long for some these things to begin to appear, or come out.
If you remember, a ways back I was told that the proton treatments could, and probably would continue to work on the tumor for as much as nine months after treatment stopped. I am now beginning to understand what they meant by this.
The claim was that the treatment wouldn’t instantly kill the tumor, but that it would alter the tumor’s DNA sequence so that it could not continue to replicate and there-fore, not continue to grow either. Which basically means that the tumor is alive and well for a period of time (hence the nine month span) after treatment.
I think this is true, because I can feel it changing over the last eight weeks.
I find it hard to believe that it was only been eight weeks ago, that I was still undergoing intense treatment at the proton center. Driving back and forth to Boston, and feeling continuously ill for months. It seems like it took place in another life-time even though I remember it (almost word for word or action for action) like it were yesterday.
But here I am, just beginning to understand and feel the effects of what was done during that three month period I spent in treatment. I might even venture to say that “the effects of the consequences, of the decision to go with Proton therapy instead of conventional surgery, are just beginning to show”.
Clearly I’m not saying that I’m sorry for my decision in anyway, I feel that, even the time that I’ve already had, is a huge bonus in comparison to the alternative … but you’d be a fool to think that I walked away from treatment without having some effects that were permanent.
Since treatment ended, I’ve continued to lose weight slowly. Very slowly I might add, but a continuous loss non-the-less. As a matter of fact, I can actually feel the tumor itself, more now, then I could a few months ago. I have to assume because of the weight loss, there is less ‘padding’ around it, and there-fore it’s less protected then it used to be.
That’s right, I can actually feel the lump under my skin more now then before. It’s lightly sensitive too. If I poke it or bump into something … it’s an ouch! … to say the least.
My ability to walk has been changing too. One general statement I could say is that at most times it is now less painful to walk. However, the duration of time that that statement is true, seems to be changing and not for the better.
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