Memories of Thanksgiving Last Year/Update: Sunday, November 21, 2010
It’s been the better part of a month since I’ve written anything for the blog, not because I’m lazy, but simply because there isn’t much happening beside my daily grind to work, and projects I’ve been working on. However, that’s probably about to change with the holidays coming up, and some of these projects coming to a close.
I find it still hard to believe that’s it’s been a full year since treatments in Boston … can you believe that? It was a year ago this week that I sat in the Proton Center awaiting my turn for the machine, and how they were re-scheduling everyone’s sessions so that no one missed a treatment over the Thanksgiving Holidays.
I remember last Thanksgiving like it was yesterday, and when I look back at the notes I kept during that period of time, I can still see, smell and taste the treatment rooms like I was there this morning. Here’s some of the notes I kept last year on the day before Thanksgiving.
Unpublished Notes: From my notebook, in the waiting room the day of the Proton Center, the day before Thanksgiving 2009:
“Finally, now I can start to recognize a few of the faces of other patients. I don’t know if I’ve mentally blocked that out, or if the treatments are effecting my memory … I’ve always been pretty good with that type of thing but for some reason I never seem to see the same faces while under-going treatment. I come and go basically the same time everyday and almost never see the same people here with me … I find that strange in the sense, the schedule for treatment is so tight, and at the same time it seems that no one is going through repeating treatments like I am …. how weird is that?
Maybe I’m more messed up then I realize. Nah … maybe it’s just by chance that I don’t see anyone more then once.”
“Today though, there’s a guy sitting directly across from me that I’ve seen here once before a few weeks ago. I know it’s him because of the huge, half-healed, scar he has across the top of head starting at his fore-head and running back toward the center of his skull, then makes a sharp turn and runs down the side to the top of his right ear. Like the shape of corner. My guess would be some kind of brain cancer or tumor that they want to treat after conventional surgery.
I tried several time to make contact with him, but doesn’t seem responsive or open to it. I wonder how he even got here? He’s dressed in street clothes but seems pretty sedated. I guess everyone here has their ‘hands full’ of problems and concerns … otherwise they wouldn’t be here. Let’s face it, if you’re here … you’re in trouble anyway.
Paul (the office manager), is going crazy scheduling patients times and trying to fit them all in before tomorrow …. Thanksgiving. The phone is ringing constantly and there is a steady flow of people coming in and out. Some looking for information, some bringing information, some lost … who knows, but as busy as any place I’ve ever been before …. and that’s saying a lot after spending years in NYC. Non-stop movement here today.
I wish I could get that taste of metal out of my mouth … I much prefer the taste Turkey and gravy … well, maybe not, that sounds like it’d make me sick too … maybe a lemon might taste good.
Man, even though it’s busy, it’s almost depressing in here today … can you say ‘shades of grey’? Really, it’s busy and no one, patients or staff, wants to be here … except for Doc Delaney … he seems to be his usual self. I guess his work doesn’t and in many cases can’t afford to take a holiday … you know stuff like this can’t wait.”
Almost my turn … how fun is that? After treatment I’m heading back to Vermont for a few days … which is wonderful mentally, but physically draining. I seem to get more and more drained as treatment goes on.
Oh man, …. here comes the kids to get their pre-Thanksgiving treatment, talk about depressing. These sweet little things don’t even know what the hell is going on around them … what an awful thing. Some of these kids have known no other life but treatment … the crazy thing is … they’re still laughing and smiling, and although it’s depressing at times to sit here … I can’t help but smile back at them.”
Happy Thanksgiving to all … and remember to be thankful for something in your life … beleive me, no matter how bad things are in your world … there are others (maybe even neighbors), that are not as fortunate as you are.
