Six, Five, Four – Countdown, Saturday, October 03, 2009
I slept outrageously late today! 9am, yep … that’s 4 hours past my normal wake up time! On top of that, I took 2 naps … so I’m feeling pretty well rested.
Friday afternoon, the doc did give me some new stronger meds and I have to say, I think they worked just fine. I used much lower doses all day today and felt pretty good, even though the weather was cool and rainy all day. That type of weather usually effects me in a negative way. My bones and hip get extra achy and often can’t entirely straighten my back all the way up … but I could today!
I received a few emails about my risking the flu shot. While it is true that I never in my life gotten a flu shot, it comes highly recommended by the docs at the Proton/Cancer Center. Why, is the question I need to ask. If it’s because they have them, then there’s a good chance that I won’t except it. If it’s because it’ll effect the treatments in some way, then that’s another story. I guess I’ll make that judgement at the last minute.
Tomorrow I plan to pack up (my stuff), and be ready for the trip. I filled the Toyota with gas today, checked the oil etc etc. we’re ready for traveling! This first few weeks won’t be too bad actually. I’ll be leaving on Monday and back early Friday afternoon, then I have a 3 day weekend because of Columbus Day. Yes, remember these first treatments are not actual proton treatments, they are in preparation for the proton, so missing one is not so important. Then, that next week I’ll be leaving on Tuesday and so they’ll both be short weeks. After that, it goes full freight, straight through till mid-December.
I did some research today on the color of “ribbon” that’s used for bone cancer. You know those ribbons you see … like the pink ones for breast cancer. Well, I believe I found that yellow is the ribbon color for my cancer.
I’ve pretty much decided to go for the tattoo. You know, it really is something I’ve always wanted to do but have never been able to decide what to get. So this is a great opportunity to do it. It’s gonna happen … I’ll post a photo of it after it’s finished.
Futurama:
Here’s what I’m thinking about for a long range plan. Let me define long range as the next 6 months because really and honestly, that’s about all I can see into the future at this time. It’s a funny thing, an odd thing, I used to think about 5 years out, say in a business plan or project, and be able to envision that clearly and work toward that goal. But I can’t do that any longer, it’s not only that I can’t think about that, but I literally can’t see it any longer. Strange but true, about 6 months at a time is all I can see and imagine at a time … so that’s where I’m coming from.
After I finish all these treatments it’ll be somewhere near mid-December give or take a week. At that time, I want to take a week off , and make a honest judgement of what I feel like physically. I’d like to stop all the pain killer meds, all the doctor appointments and anything thing else that’s related to my condition. Really get a feel for what is left of my body, how much physical work it can handle, my mental state, a full evaluation of me.
Then, do some research on how, ideally, I should be living as a cancer survivor. By this I mean, in a best case scenario, what my diet should be like, if I really need any medicines, if I really need to go back every 3 months for scans and x-rays, all that kind of stuff.
Now you might think, “what the hell!, you went through all of this for what?, you don’t even want to return to get scanned again?”. Well, there’s a clear thought behind that. Truth is, after receiving these treatments, there is really nothing else that can be done. They’ll either work, or they won’t. And so, what is the purpose of finding out they did or didn’t work? … Will it really make a difference? It might to Bluecross or something, but won’t to me. I don’t like to waste and really that would be a huge waste. I’ll know what’s going on in me by default anyhow. Since there’s not much left on the treatment table to choose from, I honestly don’t see the need.
Now if I read something new has been started or something like that, that would change it … but at this time, there is no other options to choose from … so why?
Anyway, I’d like to take a good assessment of what is and what’s not working. From that point, change my life to get as much out of it, for as long as I can. Whatever that means, I’ll have to deal with it. It may mean my diet totally changes, my work habits change, my driving and getting around changes … I don’t know, but whatever it is, I’ll try it for the next 3 months and we’ll see how it works. That’s the 6 month plan.
